Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
