I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize