I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Who died my cat blue again?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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