I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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