Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
