Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
