got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
