Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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