were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
