I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
