Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
