when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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