boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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