Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
