I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
