Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
