If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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