Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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