new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
