Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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