1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
