This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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