the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The beer is more important than you right now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
