i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
