Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
