You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
