Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
