I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
