Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
