Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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