i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
