I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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