When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
