So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
