Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
