I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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