The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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