dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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