hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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