Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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