just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
