I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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