on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
