you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
