bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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