he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
