arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You need a sexual gate keeper
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
