Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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