i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
