Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
