I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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