glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
