apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My bed smells like the plague
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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