It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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