not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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