his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize