What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
