i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
