btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
