Christians are straight up FREAKS
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
