I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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