i just wanna soil my oats bro
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
