Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
